I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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