I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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