he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
