Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
