it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pants are for mortals
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
