I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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