I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
