just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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