just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
