I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
