So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
