party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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