im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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