The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
