Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
