I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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