Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
