its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
