Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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