i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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