this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
