i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
