I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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