Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
