My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
