with your own penis?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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