pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
