normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Randomize
