Define "chronic" masturbator.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
