Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Shame is for Republicans.
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