first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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