watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
