The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
