Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
