so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
