well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
