I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
