grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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