You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
