i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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