need another drink. this is the easiest way
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
