K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
