Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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