High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
