Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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