Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
