After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
