dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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