oh god the rape fog is back!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
