even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
